"All I'm sayin' is 'Like a Virgin' is...ummm..." said Carmichael.
"No no no, that's not right." replied Gibson.
They had been sitting in Effing Janet's for almost an hour, attempting to reenact a movie scene, to the extreme irritation of their waitress.
"Okay," tried Carmichael again. "So you got this girl, and she's sayin' that this guy's so good in the sack that--"
"No, that's not even close. Do you really think Tarantino would have written lines so shoddy? No way."
"Shoddy? Okay, Grampa."
"Shoddy's a perfectly copacetic word."
"I'm not even gonna respond to that."
"Ooh, ooh, the waitress is coming, let's do the bit about tips."
"Okay, but I wanna be Mr. Pink."
"That's just because you're a cheapskate."
The waitress approached the table in time to see them doing their best attempts at verbatim dialogue, enhanced in ridiculousness by their desperate desire to impress their pretty waitress.
"Am I...interrupting?" she asked. "Or can I interest you in desserts this afternoon?"
Carmichael shouted at Gibson, "Dammit, man, we had one chance! One chance to get that right, but now she's here and we can't start over. Good job."
"Yunno, if you guys spent more time actually being badasses instead of trying to act like movie badasses, things would work out better for you. Besides, you know everyone dies in the end, right? Possibly not the best movie to base yourselves off of in that case, yunno?"
"God fucking dammit!" shouted Carmichael. "Maybe some kinda spoiler alert next time? Gibson hasn't seen the end!"
Gibson scooted his chair back and thumped his forehead on the edge of the table. "Now what's the point?"
"Oh, don't say that. Now look what you've done! And yeah, we'd both like a slice a cherry pie."
"A la mode," said Gibson, muffled in his chest.
The waitress clipped away snippily.
Carmichael dutifully tried to restart the dialogue. "So like I was saying, I don't see why I should have to tip if--"
"What's the fuggin' point?" moaned Gibson into the table.
"Hey man." Carmichael patted Gibson on the back. "It's okay. We'll watch it when we get home and you'll get so caught up you won't even remember what that bitch said about the ending."
"No, not that. Well, yeah, that, but what about this?!"
"I'm uh...not sure I follow."
"This! The diamond heist, the life of crime, the LIFE for that matter!"
"Hey, don't say that. We'll all be so rich by this time next week that we won't know what to do with ourselves."
"No, what's the point of even living at all? We're all gonna die in the end, just like she said."
"But that was a movie. She was talking about the movie. You got that, right?"
"Yes, but what's the point of living! We all die at the end! Nothing we do matters. Even this, this is just a stupid filler conversation to take up room in some pointless story!"
"Hm. Well, I got nothin' to say to that."
***TO BE CONTINUED***
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